


life's silent hour

by whiplash



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Implied/Referenced Assisted Suicide, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Violence, M/M, Prison
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-18
Updated: 2017-03-18
Packaged: 2018-10-07 03:55:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10351743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whiplash/pseuds/whiplash
Summary: Aaron's a mess. So's Robert. Only, he's as high-functioning mess.





	

Aaron stares up at the ceiling and sees nothing. Listens to the sounds around him – men snoring, groaning, moaning – and hears nothing. He’s aware that his body hurts – the dull pain of the bruises left behind since his last beating, the faint sting of self-inflicted scratches on his inner thighs – but, for once, even the pain doesn’t manage to keep him anchored in his own body. Images flash through his mind. Sometimes it’s memories. Sometimes it’s his many fears and dreams for the future, imagined so often that they’re near impossible to distinguish from reality. Especially at night. Especially when he’s like this. So damned lonely, and so damned lost.

One moment there’s his mum and dad shouting, the next there’s Sandra holding a red, crying baby and _you’re a big brother now, Aaron_ and _be nice to your sister, Aaron_ and _how many times do I have to tell you, leave Liv alone or I’ll tell your-_. There’s eating breakfast with his mum and Paddy, Clyde’s weight pressing against his legs under the table and Adam waiting for him on the quad. Then there’s Paddy sending him away, black trash bag by the door, another home lost. There’s his mum telling him that he’s a lost cause, his mum telling him that she’ll never give up on him, his mum sending him away again. She slaps him, holds him close, pushes him away and Aaron’s head spins, spins, spins. 

There’s Jackson laughing, then Jackson crying. Jackson strong and whole, then Jackson broken broken broken. There’s cloudy liquid sloshing out of the glass, down Jackson’s chin and soaking into Aaron’s sleeves. There’s blood soaking into Aaron’s clothes, crusting on his bed sheets, washing down the drain. There’s Ed, touching the still red-tinged scars with gentle hands. Ed laughing at Aaron’s constant scowl, Ed smiling awkwardly as he apologizes to his friends for Aaron’s temper, Ed’s lips turned down in the corners as he tells Aaron that it’s over. 

Then there’s Robert. And all those memories – all _their_ memories – they tangle together worse than everything else put together, until Aaron’s half-hard and half-sick with love and fury and loss. 

xxx 

_They lay tangled up in each other, sweat cooling on their skin and the air thick with heated scents._

_“Love you,” Aaron murmurs, his breath like a tickle, the words leaving his lips like it’s the easiest thing in the world to say. Robert lifts his hand to trace Aaron’s mouth, to reverently rub saliva across his bottom lip until it’s slick and pink. Aaron’s tongue darts out then, swiping briefly against Robert’s thumb. He takes it as a request, slipping his thumb past the lips, into the heat of Aaron’s mouth and if they were both five years younger maybe this would be the start of a second round._

_As is, Aaron just works his tongue against the pad of Robert’s thumb before digging his teeth into the soft flesh. Taking the hint, Robert pulls away, replacing his fingers with his own mouth. They kiss for what seems like hours – like years, like an eternity – Aaron’s hands on Robert’s shoulders and Robert’s hands in Aaron’s hair. He can feel the bumps of Aaron’s skull, feel the bone under his skin and he keeps his grip gentle. Feels, all along, like he’s cradling something fragile in his hands._

_In a moment, he will get up and crack the window open. He’ll fetch a washcloth and clean away the mess drying in streaks over Aaron’s belly and thighs. He’ll offer to make tea, just for the pleasure of having Aaron scowl at him and wrestle him back down into their bed. They’ll be naked still, Aaron skin warm to the touch, his hands calloused and his legs strong. Robert will wrap himself around his husband and they’ll-_

Robert wakes, face pressed against the sofa cushion and his legs trapped by the bulky duvet. His t-shirt’s soaked with sweat, yet he feels cold. He pulls his feet back under the duvet, then sits up, staring into the kitchen. There’s light trickling in between the curtains. Morning, then. Or close enough. Body aching, he staggers to his feet. 

Places to be, things to do, he reminds himself as he stares at his own reflection, barely recognizing the haggard face in the mirror. Two companies to keep running. A burnt-out house to make liveable. A heart-broken teenager to keep on the straight and narrow. When Aaron comes back, Robert needs to have it all sorted. And then maybe – if only Robert doesn’t mess this up, if he gets it all just right, makes everything perfect – they’ll finally get their happy ending.

**Author's Note:**

> These guys break my heart. Seriously.


End file.
